Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
