I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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