hotel room ftw
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
