my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
