I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
