hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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