is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
