I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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