So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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