i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize