Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
