singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
