He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
