Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
