i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
