you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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