6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
