a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
