I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
