Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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