waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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