Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
