You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
