his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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