I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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