You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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