Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize