When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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