I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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