What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize