Your tits are I can't wait for
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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