hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My pussy is not your playground.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
this hospital has no fireball
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
