had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
