i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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