She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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