Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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