mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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