he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
