We won't sleep together?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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