p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
