At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
