I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me I should be a condom model.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
