carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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