I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
