there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
