I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
