I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
