Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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