...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
