Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
