she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
