Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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