At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
