you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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