i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
