Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize