We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
