i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
