whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
