Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
