17 year olds will be the death of me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
