It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
