My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have grass duct taped all over my body
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
