The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
