So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
