Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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