They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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