this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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