you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
