Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
