using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
