I hate your face
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
