Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
