It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
