Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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