sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
