don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
