All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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